--- title: "The Thanksgiving Paperwork Talk: What to Ask Your Parents" description: "A checklist for the family paperwork conversation over the holidays: the four documents that matter, the account list, beneficiary forms, and how to get…" url: "https://mcc-solutionsnj.com/tools/guides/thanksgiving-family-paperwork-talk" --- Guide · Families at the holidays # The Thanksgiving paperwork talk: what to ask your parents The holidays are often the only time the whole family is in one room. Here's how to use an hour of it to find out where the papers are, what's missing, and who would handle what if a parent got sick. **Quick answer.** Ask four things: is there a current will, who can handle money if they can't (a durable power of attorney), who can make medical decisions (a health care directive), and where is the list of accounts and policies. Then check beneficiary forms, and book the signing for while everyone is still in town. ## Start with logistics, not mortality Few people want to talk about their own death over pie. Almost everyone is willing to talk about a practical problem. Try: "If you were in the hospital for a week, who would pay the electric bill?" The answer tells you whether there's a power of attorney, whether anyone knows the accounts, and whether the bills are on autopay. From there the will and the medical directive come up naturally. ## The four documents - **A will**, signed under the state's rules. Our [will witness requirements by state](/notary/will-witness-requirements-by-state) table shows how many witnesses each state needs and whether a self-proving affidavit is used. - **A durable power of attorney** for money, so someone can pay bills and deal with the bank without going to court. Signing rules vary; see [power of attorney requirements by state](/notary/power-of-attorney-requirements-by-state) and our [signing checklist](/notary/power-of-attorney-signing-checklist). - **A health care directive** that names a decision-maker and records wishes. In New Jersey it's signed before two adult witnesses or acknowledged before a notary, and the named representative can't witness it ([N.J.S.A. 26:2H-56](https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/title-26/section-26-2h-56/)). More on [living wills and health care proxies](/notary/documents/living-will-and-healthcare-proxy). - **The list**: bank and investment accounts, retirement plans, insurance policies, the deed and mortgage, car titles, online accounts, and where the originals are kept. It isn't a legal document, and it's the one families most often wish they had. ## Beneficiary forms can override the will Retirement accounts, life insurance and payable-on-death bank accounts go to whoever is named on the account's own form, whatever the will says. Ask each parent to log in or call and confirm the names. An ex-spouse or a child who has since died is a common surprise. ## Questions to write down the answers to - Where are the will, the power of attorney and the health care directive, and when were they signed? - Who is named as executor, agent and health care representative, and do those people know? - Which bills are on autopay, and from which account? - Is there a safe deposit box, and who can open it? - Who is the lawyer, accountant or financial adviser, if there is one? - What should happen with the house, and is anyone living there who depends on it? ## If the worst happens later The person who ends up settling the estate will need the list above. Our [executor guide by state](/notary/executor-guide-by-state), the [small estate affidavit by state](/notary/small-estate-affidavit-by-state) table and the [executor tracker](/tools/executor-tracker) pick up from there. ## Getting it signed while everyone is home New documents often need the parent's signature plus witnesses or a notary. If the family is together for the holiday, book the signing that week: a [mobile notary](/notary/mobile-notary) can come to the house, and an adult child who flew home Sunday can still join an [online session](/notary/remote-online-notarization) for documents that allow it. A college student turning 18 may want a power of attorney and health care proxy of their own; see [documents for college students](/notary/documents-for-college-students). General information checked November 10, 2026. A checklist, not legal, tax or financial advice. We are notaries, not lawyers: we can witness signatures and notarize, but we can't tell you which document to sign or prepare one for you. ## Sources - [N.J.S.A. 26:2H-56, Execution of an advance directive (2025 New Jersey statutes, Justia)](https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/title-26/section-26-2h-56/) Reach families handling estates, aging parents and life changes who read this guide: [advertise here](/advertise#family). For the family Organizers for the conversation and what comes after it: the family paperwork binder, an executor's step-by-step kit, caregiver records and a plain-English book on caring for an aging parent in New Jersey. - [Family Protection Bundle](/toolkits/family-protection-bundle), $39 - [Executor Bundle](/toolkits/executor-bundle), $45 - [Caregiver Bundle](/toolkits/caregiver-bundle), $35 - [Caring for an Aging Parent in New Jersey (ebook)](/toolkits/nj-aging-parent-care-ebook), $9.99 ## Want the signing done while everyone is home? [Book a mobile notary](/notary/mobile-notary)[Call (908) 444-6373](tel:+19084446373)